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The results of the
X-ray:
Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of
my head show?
Doctor: Absolutely nothing!
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Clinic's Name:
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly
conversation when one of the men asked the
other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you
went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us
all the latest psychological techiniques -
visualization, association - it made a huge
difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the
clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but
couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across
his face and he asked, "What do you call
that red flower with the long stem and
thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. .
."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?" |
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A doctor is
complaining to a mechanic:
A doctor is talking to a car mechanic,
"Your fee is several times more per hour
then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the
same model, it hasn't changed since Adam;
but we have to keep up to date with new
models coming every month."
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All Out of Anaesthetic:
A dentist ran out of anaesthetic just
before the last extraction for the day was
scheduled.
He gave the nurse a very large needle,
instructing her to jab it hard into the
patient's butt when the signal was given, so
it would take his attention away from the
tooth extraction.
It all happened in an instant.
The nurse, patient, and pliers were in
place. The signal was given, and the nurse
bayoneted the patient with the needle just
as the dentist yanked the tooth.
Afterwards, the dentist asked, "Hurt much?"
The patient hesitated, "Didn't hardly feel
it come out. And, man, those roots were
really deep!" |
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You're in
great health:
Doctor: You're in good health. You'll
live to be eighty.
Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you. |
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Mental
Release:
A man who had been in a
mental home for some years finally seemed to
have improved to the point where it was
thought he might be released.
The head of the institution, in a fit of
commendable caution, decided, however, to
interview him first.
"Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as
we are considering doing, what do you intend
to do with your life?'
The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to
get back to real life and if I do, I will
certainly refrain from making my former
mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you
know, and it was the stress of my work in
weapons research that helped put me here. If
I am released, I shall confine myself to
work in pure theory, where I trust the
situation will be less difficult and
stressful."
"Marvelous," said the head of the
institution.
"Or else," ruminated the inmate. "I might
teach. There is something to be said for
spending one's life in bringing up a new
generation of scientists."
"Absolutely," said the head.
"Then again, I might write. There is
considerable need for books on science for
the general public. Or I might even write a
novel based on my experiences in this fine
institution."
"An interesting possibility," said the head.
"And finally, if none of these things
appeals to me, I can always continue to be a
teakettle."
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Beautiful:
There was a lawyer and he was just
waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and
his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're
beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she
stayed by his side. A couple minutes later
his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're
cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because
instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
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