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Brain
Transplant:
A patient needed a brain transplant and
the doctor told the family, "Brains are very
expensive, and you will have to pay the
costs yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked
the relatives.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female
brain, $200,000," replied the doctor.
Some of the younger male relatives tried to
look shocked, but all the men nodded because
they thought they understood.
But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied
and asked, "Why the difference in price
between male brains and female brains?"
"Standard pricing practice," said the
doctor.
"Women's brains have to be marked down
because they've actually been used."
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Memory
Test:
Three elderly men are at the doctor's office
for a memory test. The doctor asks the first
man, "What is three times three?" "274," is
his reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and
looks up at the ceiling, and says to the
second man, "It's your turn. What is three
times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second
man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then
asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's
three times three?" "Nine," says the third
man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How
did you get that?" "Simple," he says, "just
subtract 274 from Tuesday."
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The Code
of Ethical Behavior for Patients:
1. Do not expect your doctor to share
your discomfort.
Involvement with the patient's suffering
might cause him to lose valuable scientific
objectivity.
2. Be cheerful at all times.
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and
requires all the gentleness and reassurance
he can get.
3. Try to suffer from the disease for which
you are being treated.
Remember that your doctor has a professional
reputation to uphold.
4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to
bring relief.
You must believe that your doctor has
achieved a deep insight into the true nature
of your illness, which transcends any mere
permanent disability you may have
experienced.
5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he
is doing or why he is doing it.
It is presumptuous to assume that such
profound matters could be explained in terms
that you would understand.
6. Submit to novel experimental treatment
readily.
Though the surgery may not benefit you
directly, the resulting research paper will
surely be of widespread interest.
7. Pay your medical bills promptly and
willingly.
You should consider it a privilege to
contribute, however modestly, to the
well-being of physicians and other
humanitarians.
8. Do not suffer from ailments that you
cannot afford.
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses
that are beyond your means.
9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that
have come to light in the course of
treatment by your doctor.
The patient-doctor relationship is a
privileged one, and you have a sacred duty
to protect him from exposure.
10. Never die while in your doctor's
presence or under his direct care.
This will only cause him needless
inconvenience and embarrassment |
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We are
the best of friends:
The patient shook his doctor's hand in
gratitude and said, "Since we are the best
of friends, I would not want to insult you
by offering payment. But I would like for
you to know that I had mentioned you in my
will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor
emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that
prescription I just gave you? I'd like to
make a little change." |
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Get me an ambulence now
A man, after being hurt,
calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an
ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance! |
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